Hi,
I'm doing well. I have been put on Dostinex and it's now regulated my
cycle where I have regular AF every 32 days the way I used to. I
thought all the fertility treatments/meds were screwing up my cycle,
but my prolactin hormone levels were up and causing my body to think
I'd just had a baby and was breast-feeding. I have a growth on my
pituatory gland which relases prolactin. I will go in for an MRI to
followup on it, but it's not serious/dangerous.
Right now started AF and going into the clinic tomorrow to use up my
last 4 frosties.
If that fails, not sure what I will do. After 2 failed fresh IVF
cycles and 2 failed FET cycles, it really hurts to keep failing over
and over again. I just turned 43, so I really have this year to try
and make it work. I think that after that I have to give up the
dream. It's very hard to envision my life without children. I always
thought I would have them. Most moms and dads are great and love
their children, but when I hear stories of children that are abused
and/or unwanted it breaks my heart and I don't understand why those
types of parents are blessed with children. So many things in life
make no sense to me (like my IF) and other women/men who similarly
struggle with the same problem. I know I got married when I was older
(38), but I really did believe I could still have children. I didn't
think menopause was around the corner and my grandparents had children
well into their forties.
I'm tired of the struggle. DH wants me to keep going, but I just
don't know how much more I can do. I feel like IF has completely
taken over my life for the past 3 years with non-stop doctors visits
and cycling. I feel guilty for feeling this way....and I tell myself
that DH isn't the one undergoing all the procedures/tests etc.
Samantha, I suppose I've been luckier in that many of my friends are
childless. Some by choice, others got married but divorced and never
had children with their partners. I'm very glad to see that you're
not feeling as guilty. You actually aren't to blame and you shouldn't
feel any guilt at all. This isn't your fault and not something you
would have ever wished on yourself. I don't feel guilt at all, what I
really feel is tremendous sadness sometimes and grief.
Vicky you never know Clomid might work. It has worked for others.
Good luck to all of you.
Rosa
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