Jamie Clark wrote:
> <Meagan787@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
> news:1138987667.607622.220780@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >
> > Jamie Clark wrote:
> >> Kathy,
> >> Have a good trip. I look forward to continuing this conversation.
> >
> > Jamie, I cannot find your original post but you can start by
addressing
> > some of my comments in this post, and also if you have the inkling,
> > repost your original post with questions for me. Tia.
> >
> > Kathy
> >
> >
> >> --
> >>
> >> Jamie
> >> Earth Angels:
> >> Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all
day
> >> long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be
walking
> >> out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
> >> Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
> >> disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more
> >> like
> >> "eeeeeesssshhh"!
> >>
> >> Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
> >> Password:
> >> Guest
> >> Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User
ID
> >> and
> >> Password
> >>
> >> <Meagan787@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
> >> news:1138503086.495327.285780@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >> >
> >> > Top Posting:
> >> >
> >> > I returned briefly this evening to see if anyone was trying to
speak
> >> > for me again and then I saw your post. If you are being sincere,
I'll
> >> > give you the benefit of the doubt and think about the questions you
> >> > asked of me in the next few days or so.
> >> >
> >> > I will going out of town, and don't feel like I could give you a
fair
> >> > shot at your questions or participate in a positive exchange of
words
> >> > with you until later next week.
> >> >
> >> > Until then, hopefully, no one will try and speak for me, and we can
> >> > discuss this more.
> >> >
> >> > Honestly, I am for most adoptive mothers everywhere, despite what
some
> >> > here would have you believe. If you don't believe me, you'll need
to
> >> > visit the adoption forum, especially the adoption debate board
where an
> >> > entire triad posts together almost on a daily basis.
>
> That sounds very cool.
>
> >> > My dil is suffering from primary infertility and I am trying to
learn
> >> > more about this disease, hence why I usually lurk. IF I see
something
> >> > said about adoption, I may speak up, but I assure you, I am no
troll.
>
> I'm sorry about your DIL. I hope she is able to either conquer her
> infertility or adopt if she so choses.
>
> >> > But I digress, if you would like to review the last thread where my
> >> > words were taken completely out of context before I post back to
you
> >> > next week, you will see that before this twit, *C* got all
hysterical
> >> > and decided to twist my words, I said, ...and I will say again that
> >> > first mother does not mean second mother is any less significant.
And
> >> > if you will google first mother as it relates to relinquishment
today,
> >> > it is a current term. Women should be able to label themselves
without
> >> > being put down or categorized a certain way.
>
> First of all, you came in guns blazing and were very harsh on someone
you
> don't know. We tend to know each other here, and although we don't
always
> get along or agree on everything, we stick close, and when an 'outsider'
> comes in gunning for one of us, we close ranks. I'm sure you know what
I
> mean from your Adoption Debate board.
>
> First mother may be a current term, but it's not as common as
birthmother.
> I agree with you, whole heartedly, that my daughters have two mothers.
I am
> secure and content in my role as their second mother. I will never
diminish
> their other mother's place in their life. I am thrilled and honored to
have
> been chosen to by my daughters mother. I will always be greatful to
those
> women for that.
>
> >> > Blech with the positive adoption language, most women who
relinquish
> >> > feel they are so much more than a woman who gave birth. The child
has
> >> > two mothers, one no less than the other. The sooner both mothers
> >> > recognize this, the better it will be for the child. Note I did not
say
> >> > both mothers should parent. I believe once an adoption is iron
clad,
> >> > the adoptive parents hold the cards.
>
> I don't agree with the "blech on the postive adoption language"
statement.
> I don't mean for the birthmothers/first mothers, but for the adoptees.
I
> think hearing that they were given away is harder on them then hearing
that
> they were deeply loved and placed with a family.
Some of them were given away, or abandoned, and even voluntarily placed
with not much thought given, like the after-birth.
Above all, Jamie, conversation with adoptees should be honest if known,
and of course, age appropriate.
I mean, your child was not
> trash, and you didn't throw him/her away because you didn't want them,
> right?
My experience is not every bmom's experience, Jamie.
Just as yours as an amom, isn't every amom's experience. Aparents
aren't any better than bio or bparents.
> In regards to the adoption being iron clad, and adoptive parent holding
the
> cards, then wouldn't you say that the adoptive parents need to look out
for
> that child's best interests, and IF that child is having a hard time
seeing
> the birthparent, or if the birthparent is destructive or dangerous, then
the
> adoptive parent should limit or cut off contact?
I think the adoptive parent who is intune, will take the op****tunity to
recognize the grief their achild might be feeling, recognize the losses
inherent with relinquishment, rather than to assume the adoption
should be closed or contact limited. Of course, the adoptive parents
should be looking out for the child's best interests, but excuse me for
saying this is often used as an excuse for not looking at all into the
issues or losses adoptees may be expressing. The adoptee being
protected from the bfamily is often an over used band-aid solution, and
back burner's and invalidates the adoptee's true feelings or present
conflict.
I know that doesn't happen
> all the time, but it can happen. The adoptive parents have to make the
> call, and make sure that the child is safe.
Not to undermine your role as parents, but the bparents didn't want
their baby to be safe?
Obviously, we can't say speak for all, but you did adopt babies, right?
> >> > In closing, no one can tell another what they are, and if my saying
> >> > adoptive mothers were second to first, or second best, this surely
was
> >> > not my intention. In fact I wrote just the opposite, that they are
both
> >> > im****tant to the adoptee.
> >> >
> >> > When I said a person who puts adoption LAST is a first mother's
worst
> >> > nightmare, it means the mother it does not sit right with me.
While
> >> > those who suffer from infertility need to be on their own time
tables
> >> > to grieve, I don't think it is a good idea to go into adoption
still
> >> > longing to birth. And that is what I meant by a nightmare for the
> >> > baby's first mom. The loss has to be grieved in order for the
baby's
> >> > best interests to be served.
>
> As I said in my other post, I agree with this. But, this is a process,
and
> everyone needs to go through it in their own timeframe. And sometimes
they
> need to go through it with help and sup****t, which is what this group
> provides.
>
> >> > See you next week.
> >> >
> >> > Kathy
> >> > mother reunited 10-17-97
>
> How has your reunion been? My dh and his sister were both adopted in
closed
> adoptions 36 and 38 years ago. SIL has met her birthmother, but dh has
no
> interest.
>
Wonderful. My reunion that is.
Kathy
>
> Jamie
> Earth Angels:
> Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all day
> long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be
walking
> out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
> Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
> disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more
like
> "eeeeeesssshhh"!
>
> Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password:
> Guest
> Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID
and
> Password
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