Kris-Anne,
I'm not offended, and I appreciate your honest thoughts. I'm still
learning
and growing in all of this. You give me a lot to think about.
--
Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all day
long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking
out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more like
"eeeeeesssshhh"!
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"Kris-Anne" <KrisAnneL@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:1139079465.589958.83860@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Jamie, I will be honest and hope that I am not being offensive, but
> this paragraph you wrote makes me positively cringe. You should not
> judge if your daughter's first mother made the right decision in
> placing her daughter for adoption. You really have NO way of knowing
> for sure if your little girl would really have been worse off in her
> original family. It's a pure conjecture on your part and better left
> unsaid (and undo***ented in writing LOL). I can also see that attitude
> being extremely distasteful to *some* adoptees. Basically, who in the
> world are you to judge? It is your daughter who will have to make
> sense of being placed for adoption, will be the one to look back on her
> childhood and seeing how she felt about it, etc. She may be one of the
> adoptees who feels a huge loss in losing her family of origin. You
> just don't know, and it comes off as arrogant to even make that guess
> at this point. Your opinion that your daughter is better off with you
> may bite you in the butt someday if your daughter has a differing
> opinion...and you just don't know. Reality for me is that I am so so
> blessed to be raising my 2 children...but I will never be so arrogant
> as to think I was "better" or that my children may not view their
> adoption as the happiness that it has been to me. In fact, I doubt
> they will...I believe that the only people THRILLED with adoption are
> adoptive parents. To adoptees and first parents, it involves loss.
>
> This is why I've come to the point where I believe that aparents-to-be
> should never be anywhere near the hospital when a first mother gives
> birth and is making that final adoption placement decision (yes, I know
> that we were there for our first child's birth, but I was naive at the
> time). What if you had met with your child's first mother and implied
> in any way that she would be making the right decision by doing a
> placement, or that her daughter would be better off with you? That
> would have been a clear case of coercion of the worst kind. I really
> really believe that a mother should be encouraged to keep her child, no
> matter what her cir***stances in life. Adoption really should be last
> resort.
>
> I have been reading some first mother blogs lately. Admittedly, some
> of them are very unsettling for me to read. They make me confront a
> lot of opinions/feelings. If anyone is interested in links, e-mail me.
> Even though they are public blogs, it feels disrespectful to post them
> on the newsgroups.
>
> Jamie Clark wrote:
>
>> My second daughter's first mother was barely 20, had no job, didn't
know
>> how
>> to drive, had a 6 year old and a 2 year old, a 42 year old boyfriend
who
>> wasn't able to sup****t them, and they were living in residence hotels
and
>> not making ends meet. She had her first child at 15, and quit high
>> school.
>> Her mother was 47 and looked 67, and was an unemployed ex-massage
>> therapist.
>> While we were meeting them for the first time, they needed to pawn the
>> half
>> torn out factory radio from their junker car to buy gas and cigarettes.
>> Will her life always be like this? I don't know. Do I think that she
>> made
>> the right decision in placing her newest daughter for adoption? Yes.
Do
>> I
>> think that child, my daughter, will have a better life with me in my
home
>> and life situation, than she would have if she'd stayed with her family
>> of
>> origin. Yes. Do I think that my daughter will live a better life, and
>> have
>> more op****tunities than her siblings? Yes. I also wonder if my
>> daughter's
>> first mother's life would have been different if she'd placed that
first
>> child for adoption instead of parenting. Maybe she could have finished
>> high
>> school and goen to college, or at least gotten a job and been able to
>> take
>> care of herself. We'll never know, but I'm grateful that she made the
>> decision to place her youngest child for adoption. Of course, if she
had
>> placed her first, she might not have had the next two, so I wouldn't
have
>> my
>> daughter, but perhaps if her life would have been better, she'd have
made
>> that trade.
>
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