Re: What is the first step in adoption?

On 2006-01-28 20:53:38 +0100, "Jamie Clark" <jamielee6@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> said:

> Well said, Holly. I never thought about HOW I would have my kids, and 
> just assumed I'd pop them out.  Then I had 9 losses and rethought my 
> options. In that respect, I was forced to rethink my options.  But I 
> was not forced to adoption.  I chose it, just as I could have chosen to 
> be child-less. Since I was getting pregnant relatively easily (3-5 
> pregnancies in a year) we kept working on the medical IF pathway, 
> because it always felt like I was just a step away from "getting it 
> right" and staying pregnant.  When it became clear to us that I wasn't 
> ever likely going to be able to stay pregnant, we quickly moved to 
> adoption, and I've been blessed that it worked out well for us.
> 
> I've been reading these posts, and just sit here wondering, exactly 
> what does Kathy, First Mother, want to hear?  What exactly would her 
> ideal adoptive parent "look" like emotionally, what would they say, 
> what would she feel was an acceptable answer to these types of 
> questions?  I really am asking in an open and honest way, and Kathy, if 
> you can answer without ripping me a new asshole, I'd appreciate it.  
> I'm not trying to be snide or rude.
> 
> I can understand that I can never understand where you have been, what 
> you have experienced, and what you went through.  But it also doesn't 
> sound like you can understand that many adoptions today are nothing 
> like what you experienced, and can be a much more positive experience 
> for everyone involved, including the birth/first mothers.  Placing a 
> child is never a walk in the park, don't get me wrong.  I am not saying 
> that it's easy.  Just that hopefully there is more choice involved for 
> many of today's birthmothers, and they don't feel violated, forced, or 
> traumatized.  I'm not saying you do.
> 
> You are exactly right that being a parent is NOT an entitlement.  And 
> those of us who dealt with infertility, and/or miscarriages, and then 
> go on to adopt, well, we certainly don't feel entitled.  I sure think 
> we deserve to parent, if we chose to, after all we've been through.  
> But I don't think anyone is entitled to any baby.
> 
> I have tremendous respect for my daughters' first mothers, and have 
> told one of them that many times.  She has also told me, many times, 
> that although she regrets that she got pregnant, she doesn't regret 
> choosing us to be her child's family.  My other daughter's first mother 
> disappeared after placing her child with us, and we haven't heard from 
> her since.
> 
> Anyway, Kathy, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on these 
> issues, if you are interested in having a conversation with me.  If you 
> are only interested in ba****ng me, please don't  bother.

Good post Jamie!

Carola