Well said, Holly. I never thought about HOW I would have my kids, and just
assumed I'd pop them out. Then I had 9 losses and rethought my options.
In that respect, I was forced to rethink my options. But I was not forced
to adoption. I chose it, just as I could have chosen to be child-less.
Since I was getting pregnant relatively easily (3-5 pregnancies in a year)
we kept working on the medical IF pathway, because it always felt like I
was
just a step away from "getting it right" and staying pregnant. When it
became clear to us that I wasn't ever likely going to be able to stay
pregnant, we quickly moved to adoption, and I've been blessed that it
worked
out well for us.
I've been reading these posts, and just sit here wondering, exactly what
does Kathy, First Mother, want to hear? What exactly would her ideal
adoptive parent "look" like emotionally, what would they say, what would
she
feel was an acceptable answer to these types of questions? I really am
asking in an open and honest way, and Kathy, if you can answer without
ripping me a new asshole, I'd appreciate it. I'm not trying to be snide
or
rude.
I can understand that I can never understand where you have been, what you
have experienced, and what you went through. But it also doesn't sound
like
you can understand that many adoptions today are nothing like what you
experienced, and can be a much more positive experience for everyone
involved, including the birth/first mothers. Placing a child is never a
walk in the park, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that it's easy.
Just
that hopefully there is more choice involved for many of today's
birthmothers, and they don't feel violated, forced, or traumatized. I'm
not
saying you do.
You are exactly right that being a parent is NOT an entitlement. And
those
of us who dealt with infertility, and/or miscarriages, and then go on to
adopt, well, we certainly don't feel entitled. I sure think we deserve to
parent, if we chose to, after all we've been through. But I don't think
anyone is entitled to any baby.
I have tremendous respect for my daughters' first mothers, and have told
one
of them that many times. She has also told me, many times, that although
she regrets that she got pregnant, she doesn't regret choosing us to be
her
child's family. My other daughter's first mother disappeared after
placing
her child with us, and we haven't heard from her since.
Anyway, Kathy, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on these issues,
if you are interested in having a conversation with me. If you are only
interested in ba****ng me, please don't bother.
--
Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all day
long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking
out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more like
"eeeeeesssshhh"!
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"Holly Sox" <jmsjr@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
news:drgehb$dqnr$1@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>I was talking about being forced into thinking about one's fertility at
>all.
> For some fortunates, pregnancy happens exactly when they want it to. For
> some others, still fortunate, it happens when you weren't expecting, but
> isn't a huge, life-shattering catastrophe (like my first pregnancy was)
.
> I
> would think very, very, very few little girls grow into womanhood and
> analyze all the possibilities of life and fertility and infertility, and
> plot out our feelings about each possibility.
>
> Until we are backed into the corner of IF (as I was later) , most of us
> never think about it. And the journey through the feelings is intensely
> personal and individual and must be taken at one's own pace.
>
> To be so angry and ugly in response to honest soul-searching and
> questions,
> you must really still have some issues about your situation. Sorry about
> that. But try to get a grip. Jeez.
>
>
> Holly
> --
> <Meagan787@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
> news:1138295066.669147.322740@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>>
>> Holly Sox wrote:
>> > I'm pretty sure she means she's a birth mother. Please be aware that
>> > not
>> > all of us feel that way. Vicki, I've been following your posts on aip
> and
>> > here, and don't think you're taking it lightly at all. IF and
adoption
> are
>> > HUGE issues that most of us never consider until we are forced into
it.
>>
>> What do you mean by *forced into it*? Like last resort?
>>
>> If so, Blech. Being a parent is not an entitlement.
>>
>> Kathy
>> first mother
>>
>> You
>> > need to work through all your feelings about all of it, and the
> financial
>> > stuff doesn't make it any easier.
>> >
>> > (((((Vicki))))))
>> >
>> > Holly
>> >
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