As you know, dh and I have been on different pages as to whether or not our
family is complete. He's been pretty clear that he's done, two is all he
wants, and in fact, just last week Addie was pitching a fit about
something
and he said, "I don't want ANY more babies! I'm all done with babies!"
I, on the other hand, have felt pretty strongly ever since we lost Nathan
that I wanted 3. I had thought I only wanted 2 before his pregnancy and
loss, but after that, I felt like I wanted or needed a 3rd, to sort of
make
up for that terrible experience. Not to replace him literally, but to
replace the bad experience of losing him with the good experience of
raising
a living child. I don't know if it makes sense, but that was at least
part
of the reason. At the same time, I'm really happy and content with my
kids,
and can easily see stopping at 2 and never looking back. So I feel like
I've been in a really good place about it, emotionally.
Anyway, although we've been on different pages, we haven't talked or
argued
about it. We both know where the other stands, and have agreed to shelve
the discussion until later. Even if dh was okay with the idea of a 3rd,
I'm
no where ready, so didn't want to even discuss it until Addie was at least
2-2.5. Also, I know dh, and I know how his mind works, and I knew that if
the right situation fell out of the sky and landed in our laps -- if there
was a birthmother due soon with a boy, with little or no financial sup****t
needed, and a very uncomplicated backstory, then he might go for it. But
I
knew if I harped and hounded and nagged about a 3rd child, that he'd get
set
in his ways and it would likely never happen.
So, as you know, last week Christy posted about a possible adoption
situation of a little boy due in late January/early February. This was
exactly like the scenario in my mind on how a 3rd child would come to us.
I
responded to Christy and got a few more details, then called dh. I asked
him if he had a minute to talk, and he said, "Sure, what's up?" I
responded, "A little boy, due in January." He laughed and we discussed
the
details as we knew them. He surprised me by agreeing to get more
information on the situation. I teased him about how he'd just said, "No
more babies," but I also knew that the idea of a little boy was very
interesting to him.
So, we got more information, and Christy passed on our profile to the
prospective birth mother (pbm), along with several other people's. I
called
an attorney and had a phone conference to make sure that this was
something
that we could afford to do, and to get an idea of how complicated it might
be. It was doable. Dh and I sat around the dinner table that night,
rediscussing our boy name choices, and enjoying the possibilities.
Although
the timing was a little closer than we'd like, we also enjoyed the fact
that
like normal people, we can't always plan everything perfectly, and
sometimes
you just have to take what you are offered. We talked and decided that if
the pbm did not chose us, that we wouldn't actively pursue another
adoption
at this point, but we would be open to it if it fell into our laps.
In the end, the pbm chose another couple. We were fine with that, and
probably a little relieved. Addie would only be 16 months old when this
baby is born, and I have just been saying that 21 months was a little
closer
than I'd have preferred. So in the end, we're both glad that it didn't
work
out, but we also both really enjoyed the fantasy and idea that it might
happen. I think dh is now thinking that he would like a 3rd child, and in
a
year or two, we might make the decision to work with an attorney or go
back
and use our agency again. And I still feel like if it doesn't happen, if
we
decide to stop at 2, that we'll both be happy and content with our family.
All in all, it was a great experience! Thanks for posting it to the
group,
Christy, and good luck to whoever the pbm chose. I'll keep you all in my
thoughts and prayers, and hope that everything works out as it's supposed
to!
--
Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- My Big Girl, who started preschool, and loved it!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Walker, who wants nothing more than to
go explore the world!
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